Your Mess is Your Message
My mom tried to always make sure that I was in church as a child. I thought I knew everything I needed to know about God growing up. Now, I realize there’s a difference in knowing about God and having a relationship with God. I began using drugs after I had been sent home from the doctor with a prescription for pain pills.
I noticed the energy they gave me was just what I needed with two small children. I kept taking them and found out it was very easy to get them from doctors. After a while, I had to move to stronger pain medication and take more to get the feeling I was looking for. By this time, I had to take them just to keep from being sick.
Eventually, I found a new love: meth. It wasn’t long before I lost everything.. and I mean everything: my children, my house, my family, and my freedom. I was in and out of jail and Drug Court with no sign of hope left. When I got arrested in January of 2012, I knew that I had already been given too many chances. So, I knew that I would be going away for a while this time. My mom told me she was fasting and praying that I would get to go to a rehab and that she had heard of a place called Women of Hope.
In January 2012, a miracle happened when the judge let me enter into the Women of Hope program. It took a while for me to fully surrender. On April 20th, I hit my knees and begged God to forgive me. I wanted to read my bible daily and see what God had to tell me.
My children started coming around and talking to me. My daughter and I were even baptized together in September 2012. I thank God for restoring my relationship with all three of my children and my entire family. After two years of doing well, the devil tried to steal my testimony once again. I thank God for sending people my way to save me. I knew exactly where to run to… the Women of Hope.
My intentions were to stay just for 45 days. However, I have been here almost 5 years and I’m now the Director of the program. Five years ago, I was a mess. I was headed to prison and I was staring death right in the face. I didn’t even care because I really didn’t think there was a way out.
Today, that same miserable person can walk with her head held high and a smile on her face because God has blessed me with so much and He continues to pour blessings on me daily. Only God can turn the mess I was in into a message. I am forever grateful for all the blessings that He continues to pour down on me every day.
From an early age, I battled depression, panic attacks, and obsessive-compulsive rituals. I remember feeling suicidal and hopeless at times. I did, however, give my life to Christ as a young teen, but I hadn’t yet established that intimate relationship with him. I began experimenting with drugs in college, but managed to still graduate. My world truly spiraled out of control when I became addicted to prescription pain killers. I worked in the medical field at the time, so it was fairly easy for me to find ways to get them.
My use continued to escalate and my tolerance grew higher and higher. How no one noticed I was using during work is a work of the devil. God was telling me during that time “if you don’t quit, you’re going to die,” but I continued to ignore his warnings. This continued until June of 2009 when I finally responded to that still, small voice and cried out to God for help. God heard my cry for help, and it came in the form of an arrest. He locked me in a jail cell to set me free. It was in those next nine months that I went from religion to a real relationship with him.
When I returned home from jail, I went to the doctor about my problems with physical pain. I thought I could handle taking the prescription pain killers under doctor’s orders, but I was so wrong. I began that vicious cycle of addiction all over again. I began living a double life. I was active in my church and even taught Bible school. My life looked normal, but I was physically sick, emotionally desperate, and spiritually torn. I finally expressed my thoughts and feelings to my family and asked for help.
Shortly after, I detoxed and came to the Women of Hope. I learned so much from Pastor Marcie and all of the leaders here. My relationship with God developed to a whole new level and I knew I had found a safe place. Even when I thought I had it all together and decided to leave the program early, they welcomed me back with open arms. It is because of completing this program and growing my relationship with Christ that I am now truly set free.
God has done a miraculous work in my life and has offered complete restoration. I now know that I cannot change my past, but I can let God’s love change me, and he has! I have joy that I never thought I would have again. I am so grateful that God had a plan for a hope and a future for me, even when I couldn’t see it. I’m also thankful for the Women of Hope for helping me to discover that hope.
Jesus is the missing piece
I began using drugs when I was 24 years old after being involved in a serious car wreck that resulted in some extensive injuries. My drug usage started off slow, but escalated quickly to the point where I began using meth, LSD, and heroine together. This drug cocktail is a deadly mixture and I shouldn’t even be alive to tell my story. I knew I was addicted and needed help when I realized I just could not stay clean no matter how hard I tried or wanted to be.
Life became a dark, bitter place for me and I knew that I needed something more to bring me out of it. I first heard about the Women of Hope through Englewood Baptist Church. With some help from a few ladies that attended there, I was able to enter the program and they even agreed to sponsor my stay here. Women of Hope is different from any other rehab that I have been to because it is faith-based and I truly found God here. I learned that Jesus is that missing piece I so desperately needed because only He has the power to heal me. Not just of my addiction, but of all my hurts, habits, and hang-ups.
As I am transitioning out of the center, God has brought so much restoration. I now have a job, better relationships with my family, and I am able to be a beacon of light to them. I even have some new family that I found through the Women of Hope. My relationship with Jesus continues to grow daily. It is the firm foundation that I needed to not only get clean, but stay clean. I’m so grateful for this place, and all that the program has done for me
God’s Mighty Hand
I began using drugs when I was sixteen years old because I wanted to feel numb from all the emotional trauma that I had been through growing up. I didn’t want to feel anything at all and drugs seemed to do just that for a while. Meth became my drug of choice and my first love. I knew I was addicted after the first use. I thought it would solve all of my problems, but in all reality it made everything worse. I lost sight of who I was and became everything I never wanted to be.
At my worst, I was using 3.5 grams of meth daily. I was desperate for a way out of the grave of addiction and abuse that had swallowed me up, in an attempt to end it all. Just as I was losing sight of any light left around me, God reached His hand into my life and guided me into the Women of Hope after a friend had told me about the program. Since being here, I have learned my addiction does not identify me and that my identity is in Christ. I now have a relationship with Jesus and have been given a second chance at finding and loving myself. I’m grateful to the Women of Hope because I know I would not be where I am today without this program.
Redeemed and Healed
I grew up with a void in my heart, always feeling as though something was missing. I tried to fill that void with drugs, alcohol, and bad habits. However, nothing was ever satisfactory enough to completely fill me up. The void I felt got even larger when I went through an intense depression after my divorce a couple of years ago. I began drinking or taking pills almost every day, and before long I found myself in a deep pit called addiction. I lost myself completely and every ounce of self-worth I had left slipped through my fingers.
I found out I was pregnant and thought I could straighten up long enough to have my baby, but in a matter of weeks I was using again. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her, I just couldn’t do it on my own and I was too afraid of what others would think to admit I needed help. At my worst, I was using $450 of Oxycodone daily. I began thinking I was too far gone and that nothing I could ever do would be able to save me or my unborn baby girl. Just when I was about to lose all hope, God reached His hand down into that pit to rescue me. My mother noticed money missing from my parents’ account, so she drug tested me and of course, I failed. She immediately called my brother, who used to work for a men’s rehab and he recommended the Women of Hope.
Two days later, I arrived at the center – broken, bitter, angry, and full of resentment for myself and others. I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. She has lived with me ever since. Women of Hope has taught me how worthy I truly am and how to fill that void with a true relationship with Jesus Christ. Now, I get to be the mom that I always dreamed of being and my own mother has her daughter back. I’ve been set free from the bondage of addiction, brokenness, bitterness, anger, resentment, and unforgiveness. I couldn’t be more grateful for this ministry and all that it is doing to break the cycle of addiction for women and their families.
out of the pit
I was only fourteen years old when I became involved with drugs and my life was full of ups and downs. I’ve never been sure of who I was or what my purpose for this life was. Every time the hurt and pain came back, I used drugs. I didn’t want to feel anything.
First, I started with smoking weed and pills and it was so easy to justify, so I kept doing it. Of course, when you start one drug it always leads to another. Soon, I became heavily involved with meth and the lifestyle it came with. On my worst days, I was using up to a gram of meth every day. I had no sleep, no food, and no place to stay. I had lost every stable thing in my life because of the decisions I had made.
I knew my life was out of control when my every need depended on drugs and I needed it to function. All the hope I had ever had for myself was gone. My older sister had a drug problem just like mine. She had gone through a faith-based rehab called Hope Recovery Center/Women of Hope and she had proceeded to work there. When you hear people say, “God’s timing is everything,” you should believe them because just at the right time when I needed her help the most, she helped me get into the program.
Women of Hope stands outs from other rehabs because of their faith in God and their trusting in what He can do. He has delivered me from the pit along with many other women. Through Women of Hope, I have learned how to replace the feeling of sorrow with joy and I am confident to stand tall in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I have already been blessed with a job as soon as I get out of the center and will be looking forward to making an amends with my family and getting an education. God is already opening so many doors for me!
the broken… made whole
Drugs became a part of my life when I was 21 years old. The reason I started using drugs was to just numb the pain. I didn’t want to feel anymore. I didn’t want to feel anything. My oldest son’s Dad and I separated, so I found myself trying to escape the hurt by using drugs. My drug of choice was Methamphetamines and on my worst days I was injecting meth every day and as much as I could. I absolutely knew I was addicted to drugs when I gave up my three boys for my addiction. My family had found out about a place called Hope Recovery Center / Women of Hope. It’s a faith-based rehab and with my addiction going nowhere fast – I decide to go.
Women of Hope was the first rehab that I had ever gone to. It was very different from anything that I had ever experienced. I could tell that God was doing great work there and that Holy Spirit filled each building. The first time I attended Women of Hope I left early while I was in my three-month period. Finally, during the third time that I came to the Women of Hope program, I realized that this is where Jesus had put me to save my life. Coming through the Women of Hope, I learned that there is a right way to deal with the hurts and stresses of life.
Jesus Christ is there for me whenever I call on Him. He gives me peace that passes all understanding and He tell me that I don’t have to go back to my old lifestyle. I can feel comfortable in having a relation- ship with Him and living my life how He has always meant for me to live it. When I graduate Women of Hope, I know that God is going to restore my family even more than He already has. Jesus has healed the broken pieces of my life that I had thrown away.
Small steps forward are still steps!
Drugs became a part of my daily life when I was only 15 years old. I started using drugs because I thought by doing them it would make me feel accepted by others. Looking back now, I know that using drugs was not the answer. It didn’t make me feel more accepted. It led to something much worse.
My drugs of choice were marijuana, pills, and heroin. On my worst days, I was using heroin several times a day and doing it every day. I knew my addiction was full blown when I couldn’t even feel normal without it.
I found out about the Women of Hope from a previous program graduate and I saw what it had done for her. Women of Hope was the first rehab that I have ever been to and it was the best experience anyone can hope for. What makes Women of Hope so different from other rehabs is the Spirit of God. God has blessed me through this program by renewing my faith in Him and I know He hears my prayers.
My spiritual walk with Him is what keeps me clear-headed and I finally feel like myself again. Through Women of Hope, I have learned how to overcome my addiction through Jesus Christ. I know that He will never leave me, nor forsake me.
When I graduate from this program, I hope for God to restore my relationship with my kids. I hope for job opportunities and also to move back in with my grandma so I can help her. I never thought I could be the person that I am today. I have been clean and sober for 8 months.
Realization to Restoration
I became involved with drugs when I was 17 years old. I started using because everyone else was doing it and I was going to parties to fit in with the crowd. My drugs of choice were Opiates and Xanax. At my worst, I was using Xanax everyday and I was taking handfuls at a time. I knew I was addicted to drugs when I didn’t have them and it was all I could think about. My relationship with my family had completely gone downhill. Things had gotten so bad that I had also lost custody of my first daughter and was put in jail for driving under the influence. At the time of my arrest, I was also five months pregnant. I found out about Women of Hope through a lady at the jail whose daughter had went through the program, and because I was pregnant upon my arrival, I got to keep my second daughter.
Women of Hope is different from any other rehab because it’s faith-based. I am always free to worship Him and it has taught me that Jesus Christ is my higher power. Through Women of Hope, I have learned that I am powerless over my addiction and only the love and power of Jesus Christ can help me conquer it. When I graduated from Women of Hope, I was able to see my daughter often, and start over with both of my daughters. The relationship I once had with my family was restored back to me and it seemed even better than it was before.
The Lord is My Shepherd
The first time I got high, I was 12 years old. It started with weed and alcohol; eventually I found pills. I met an older guy that became my boyfriend. He introduced me to meth, and I thought I loved it. Never did I think that it would bring me so much pain. After many more twists and turns, I finally understood that it was Jesus bringing me through the storms of life. He was guiding my footsteps to the Women of Hope where I would find my healing.
I have completed the nine months and could not be more thankful for God showing up. I’m learning to take every thought captive and pray without ceasing. I’m learning what works and what hasn’t worked in the past. Thank you to everyone for all the forgiveness, mercy, grace, and second chances. I couldn’t do it without y’all.
Brought Back to Life
I had a bunch of 100 mg Fentanyl patches. I put one on and I didn’t feel any effect, so I put another one on and so on. They told me when I woke up two weeks later in ICU on life-support that they found a total of five patches on me. The doctor said they didn’t think I would make it; and if I did, there would be a chance that I would have brain damage. The doctor told me that it was miracle that I was still alive.
After that, my addiction increased to shooting heroin and prostituting to support my drug habit. However through Women of Hope, I’ve been able to begin to deal with my past and learn how to process my feelings. God has restored my family. Most of all, my relationship with God has been restored. God has given me a peace that is unexplainable. He has taken my brokenness and turned it into light.
I’m an Overcomer
I had tried weed, pills, molly, LSD, and cocaine. I was partying, having sex, and living a life that could only become disaster and possibly even death. At 19, I was living with a meth user and dealer and began smoking, eating, and snorting meth heavily. I was unstable and very sick. After two years of abuse, I felt completely helpless and hopeless. However, God is good and heard my cry for help. He gave me a chance to start my life over. Thank you to the Women of Hope staff for accepting, loving, and helping me to see that I am able to overcome and become the woman that God created me to be.
End of the Tunnel
After three months in jail, I met Kristie Butler. I was meaner to her than a rattle snake, but she showed me the Light at the end of the twelve-year tunnel. I had never been so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had been in addiction so long that there was only One who could pull me out, and that was Jesus Christ himself. I was living in the pit of hell, but He broke my chains and now I’m redeemed. I got saved on September 7th, 2016, and baptized shortly after that. I got my family back and I found myself.